Ed Miliband apologises for offence over Compact News picture

News Exclusive: Cameron made out of sugar and gelatine

A source has revealed that David Cameron is made entirely from approximately skin coloured marshmallows. Perhaps surprisingly, he was originally created as a prize for the tombola by a group of Young Conservatives for the party conference in 1997. Cameron only came to life when John Redwood spilt 'magic beer' on him at one of the party's rowdy late night séances. Tory leaders were quick to recognise the potential of the situation and immediately made Mr Cameron leader. Since then he has had no problem persuading millions of so called people to vote Conservative by reminding them of old fashioned sweet shops, illicit midnight tuck, or something that Kirsty Allsopp might take up a whole hour of primetime telly tying a ribbon round and selling at a fête in June on behalf of her own self interests.

ANY idiot can set fire to a car...

Here's a canvas edition of Compact News from 2007

"ANY idiot can set fire to a car and several idiots do so, every night. It takes considerably more skill to light a fire for cooking, even when it's raining, using only natural materials and not more than matches, as we had to do to pass our fire-lighting test in the Scouts. What pleasure do these idiots get? It doesn't make us admire them but just goes to prove how stupid they are. You can't cook any thing on a burning car." 

UK Independent Character Assessment Service

Compact News: Travel

Well that’s Christmas out of the way! The next thing you need to do is to go on your holidays – Yay!

In-between polishing off the last of the mince pies and renewing his gym membership, our Travel editor has found the time to look at some of the great travel holidays there are out there for you to go on this year in 2014. 

So, because of all this climate change and that, I thought I’d take a look at some of the responsible, sustainable holidays that you can go on out there. Here’s my top 5.

1. Everybody is getting in on the travel and tourism act these days, and shoe giants NIKE are no exception.

“NIKE offer a journey of many dimensions. Every partner, every decision, every gateway, every stage from concept to reclamation adds to a near infinite ecosystem of cause and effect. To offer as much clarity into this ecosystem as possible, we’ve distilled it down to seven fundamental stages – Plan, Design, Make, Move, Sell, Use, Reuse. 

We believe these stages provide the best way to track, measure and report where we have influence, compared to where we have control, and how the decisions we make have impacts in terms of energy and climate labor, labor, chemistry, water, waste, and community.”

2. This Thomson Reuters package sounds refreshing. Corporate Responsibility is an all too often overlooked destination and previous operators who have offered this service have been really childish in their approach. They say they aim to provide,

“A journey to having a more sophisticated and mature approach to corporate responsibility”

3. This year, Accenture are pushing their themed holiday package to the mythical land of Corporate Citizenship. Leave your sense of disbelief at home and just go with it!

“With our core values at its heart, corporate citizenship is an ongoing journey for Accenture— and we are committed to making a sustainable, measurable difference to the world in which we work and live.”

4. One for the retired Baby-boomers that there are out there: Ford Motor Company’s travel schedule demands time and commitment – for the serious traveller only. 

“we continued to go further on our sustainability journey, which began more than a dozen years ago.”

5. Fleishman Hillard offer exotic locations:

“A CORPORATE JOURNEY TO TRUTH, TRUST AND TWO-WAY CONVERSATIONS.”

Well, it just goes to show there’s something out there for everyone when you look on the internet! 

Finally, It’s also worth bearing in mind this sage piece of advice from a friend of mine on Facebook, “When you start the journey going forward to Winning,never let doubters change your mind and make you walk back to Losing.” – He got 3 likes for that!