News Exclusive: Cameron made out of sugar and gelatine

A source has revealed that David Cameron is made entirely from approximately skin coloured marshmallows. Perhaps surprisingly, he was originally created as a prize for the tombola by a group of Young Conservatives for the party conference in 1997. Cameron only came to life when John Redwood spilt 'magic beer' on him at one of the party's rowdy late night séances. Tory leaders were quick to recognise the potential of the situation and immediately made Mr Cameron leader. Since then he has had no problem persuading millions of so called people to vote Conservative by reminding them of old fashioned sweet shops, illicit midnight tuck, or something that Kirsty Allsopp might take up a whole hour of primetime telly tying a ribbon round and selling at a fête in June on behalf of her own self interests.